Dealing with death

I never thought I would be in this situation, dealing with a parent dying. But God has put me here along with my husband Dale.  My dad has congestive heart failure and COPD, plus Afib. He was told last Wednesday that there really wasn’t anymore that could be done for him. Then “the talk.” Where do you want to die! He said at home with his family, so here we are. I knew he had these thingsa he would end up in the hospital occasionally, but I really wasn’t prepared for this. He has agreedto have Hospice come in. Everyone wants to give him medicine because he doesn’t sleep well at night. One of those medicines is morphine, my mom is dead set against that. The other one is atavanand she won’t give him that either. I don’t feel as if I can because of how she feels. The Dr. Asked my husband if he would give it and he said “yes.” But, mom said not on her night to sit up with daddy. I don’t think we can give it for two nights and skip night. They feel daddy wakes up because of air depravation. We aren’t convinced. We are not going to give the med for awhile, if daddy’s norm is to sleep all day and be awake all night, so be it. We will continue our rotation to be up with him. Even though it wears me out, I get to sit and hold hands with my daddy sometimes for hours. Those moments are so special. I thank Ged for them.

Daddy eats pretty well. He especially likes the baked goods Dale makes. No matter how full after a meal, he always has room for a cookie! Daddy still gets around with his walker, and get out to sit in the sun when it’s warm enough. He was funny today with his retorts to us all about taking a bath! I love him.

Mom doesn’t say much, sometimes I think she is in denial about the seriousness of it all. But at other times I don’t know. It has been a few days of emotional highs and lows.  Our family covets your prayers.

I also thank God for my husbandwho care for daddy also. Dale lost his dad when he was three and his mom when he was in his late teens early twenties. He has know my parents longer than he did his own. He is a rock. No how he had envisioned spending his retirement I am sure.

As for me, I am hanging in there. Really struggling to truly know God’s will in this all.