Dealing with death

I never thought I would be in this situation, dealing with a parent dying. But God has put me here along with my husband Dale.  My dad has congestive heart failure and COPD, plus Afib. He was told last Wednesday that there really wasn’t anymore that could be done for him. Then “the talk.” Where do you want to die! He said at home with his family, so here we are. I knew he had these thingsa he would end up in the hospital occasionally, but I really wasn’t prepared for this. He has agreedto have Hospice come in. Everyone wants to give him medicine because he doesn’t sleep well at night. One of those medicines is morphine, my mom is dead set against that. The other one is atavanand she won’t give him that either. I don’t feel as if I can because of how she feels. The Dr. Asked my husband if he would give it and he said “yes.” But, mom said not on her night to sit up with daddy. I don’t think we can give it for two nights and skip night. They feel daddy wakes up because of air depravation. We aren’t convinced. We are not going to give the med for awhile, if daddy’s norm is to sleep all day and be awake all night, so be it. We will continue our rotation to be up with him. Even though it wears me out, I get to sit and hold hands with my daddy sometimes for hours. Those moments are so special. I thank Ged for them.

Daddy eats pretty well. He especially likes the baked goods Dale makes. No matter how full after a meal, he always has room for a cookie! Daddy still gets around with his walker, and get out to sit in the sun when it’s warm enough. He was funny today with his retorts to us all about taking a bath! I love him.

Mom doesn’t say much, sometimes I think she is in denial about the seriousness of it all. But at other times I don’t know. It has been a few days of emotional highs and lows.  Our family covets your prayers.

I also thank God for my husbandwho care for daddy also. Dale lost his dad when he was three and his mom when he was in his late teens early twenties. He has know my parents longer than he did his own. He is a rock. No how he had envisioned spending his retirement I am sure.

As for me, I am hanging in there. Really struggling to truly know God’s will in this all.

Well, I'm back in it again.  Not for Dale and I this time, but with my granddaughter Ashley and her husband Kyle.  I am helping them go through the DHHS (department of health and human services) foster care licensing so they can hopefully take our grandson DJ's son or sons.  DJ is her brother and one of the grandsons that Dale and I adopted.  His new baby is in foster care and the older boy (by a different mother) is in a safety plan.  So Ashley and Kyle are stepping forth to foster to adopt.  They are so excited and so am I.  All of the family on both sides of their family are behind them.  We have been to one meeting in Lewiston and we both were received very well.  I am not looking to raise anymore children but would like to be able to have the great grandsons on weekends.  Never thought I would be back in this game for any reason again.

I am beginning to realize that I have moved away from God and I need to get back with Him again.  I really miss the close relationship that I used to have.  I know that it is my fault as God does not move, He is steadfast.  I also know that he misses our relationship as much as I do and He will welcome me back with open arms.  I believe that it will also help my relationship with Dale (my husband) too.  So, what am I waiting for.....I guess I am afraid to get close to people at church.  I want friends, but yet I am afraid of getting hurt.  Again, it's my fault.  Please pray for me.

Well, that's it for today.....see you soon.

Just another Saturday

  The weather cannot seem to make up it's mind today, it was rainy this morning and now the sun is in and out, and it's very breezy.  I so cannot wait until it gets warmer.  My kitties are out though so it must be a good day for them because they have been out for most of the afternoon.
  I am sitting here trying to decide if I want to spin for a while or knit.  It's to bad every decision in the world wouldn't be that simple.  There are other things like starting spring cleaning that I should be doing, but it's to chilly to throw open the windows for any length of time.
  I am on day two of trying to keep my blogging going.  I would write my deepest, darkest thoughts, like I used to in one of those hard bound lock and key books, but you never know who will stumble upon your blog.
  I am very heartbroken though over a personal situation with my two little great grandsons though.  I won't go into detail, but if you stumble onto this blog will you just pray for them.  God know who they are so I so not have to give specifics.
  Well, I have decided......I am going to knit for a while.  I blog again later.

  It has been ages since I visited my own blog.  How bad is that??  So I decided I had better try my hand at writing again tonight.
  I have been learning a lot lately about yarns and what I call "the good stuff."  Have you ever paid $23.00 for a skein/hank of yarn??  I now have!  It is 100% bamboo!  It is amazing.  I have also met a young woman in town who takes in rescue fiber animals.  She has two alpacas, three cashmere goats, and eleven angora rabbits.  She (Brandi) also buys 'good yarns' (white) and dyes them.  I have helped her dye yarn, I have learned to card the fiber on her drum carder, and I am learning to spin yarn.  I am going to get my own spinning wheel on May 14th and I am so excited.  I have recently learned to knit socks, and what a difference 'good yarn' makes.  I have wanted to learn to spin since 2005 and it is finally happening.
  My wonderful husband Dale just purchased a new toy!  It is a 950 Yamaha V star motorcycle!!  It is a left-over 2010.  It had never had gas in it until he bought it!!  It's beautiful....black with nice sidebags.  As soon as I pick up my helmet...off we go.  He has ridden it to work twice now and he really likes the ride and the gas savings.
  It seems as if spring might finally be coming.  Even though we haven't had a hard winter, it seems as if it has been a long one.  I find that I suffer from SAD (seasonal affect disorder)!  I hate the darkness.  And in the winter it seems as if that's all there is.  But Praise God I am beginning to see the light!  Spring, summer, and fall will offer flowers, warm breezes, days by the water or sitting outside knitting or spinning, and then colorful leaves.  
  I have started going to a spinning group and have reconnected with a lady that I met in 2005 named Joan Perkins.  In fact it is an extra spinning wheel that she has that I am going to buy.  I am hoping these ladies go to some of the local fairs and spin there.  I have seen groups of spinners sitting in a common area at some of the fairs, and they talk with people about spinning and answer any question they can.  I still do not know much yet, but I am learning.
  Yesterday I went to Bath, ME (down south) with  a friend, Donna, from church.  We went to a place called 'Halceon Yarns!'  Oh my, the yarns, the wheels, the, the, the..........  It was wonderful.  I am glad they are two and a half hours away though, I will have to think twice about frequenting the place!!!
  So, that kind of wraps things up for me tonight.  But I have enjoyed telling you about my life and what I have been up to lately.  Until we meet again.......Your sister in Christ is signing off.

Why does someone who loves to write find it so hard to keep a blog going?? I was going to be so faithful at doing it!! Oh well, it's like the rest of my life 'hit or miss.'
Dale and I are enjoying being here at mom and dad's (for the most part). The electrician has been to put in a new box and some plugs, Dale has put the new livingroom floor down, we just picked up the new livingroom set, and the furnace will be put in around the first of May. That may be it for this year, we're not sure yet. I'd like to do a little painting and so would mom.
We still have a little snow in the back yard, but we hung the laundry out for the first time this year today. I can't wait until every bit of snow is gone and we can go sit in the back yard, but by then it will be bug season!!
God has been very gracious with all of us this winter, no pneumonia! Daddy got it twice last year. Thank you Lord. I would covet prayers for my shoulder, and for my youngest daughter Lesley's biopsy.
Mom, Angie and I are off soon to Ashley's bridal shower. Ashley is my oldest granddaughter. She is getting married on May 28th. The first grandchild to get married. Her husband to be, Kyle, is a great guy. Dale took him out to lunch today, I know they will have a good time.
Well, it's time to go for now........

New Journeys

It's been a bit since I last posted and a lot has happened. We have been trying for over six months now to make things continue to work with Stephen, but to no avail. He just has so much anger bottled up inside and doesn't know how to let it out properly. He is on medication for mood disorder not otherwise specified, and in counseling. The last time he was told no and confronted about a lie he had told, he went ballistic again. We just cannot handle him anymore, the verbal and physical, and breaking of things is just to much. We turned him over to God, but he is not following God at the moment. He is now living with our youngest daughter Lesley and she has guardianship. It is good because he can finish out his senior year in the high school he was going to, plus she is younger and more with it. I sure hope it works out, it's only until June and by then he will be 18 and hopefully will graduate.
Do not take sadness from this post. We went through our six year journey to get Stephen and DJ into our home and adopted, and we made it through that journey. There have been many journeys with the boys and most of them were good. Now Dale and I are on a different journey and the boys are on their own journey. I would do it all over again with no hesitation. Kinship care is worth every minute of it.

A Passion for kin who care.

It has definitely been a while since I have been here. I just want anyone who is raising a relatives child to know that they are not alone. My husband and I have been and still are there. We are still raising the youngest of the two grandsons that we adopted. He is 17, a senior in high school and hoping to be off to Ohio Technical School next July. I cannot wait to experience the empty nest again!! Would I do it over again......yes. Was it/is it worth it.....yes.
If you want to talk to someone who is in your shoes and knows how you feel. I am here.